CASSANDRRRRAAA

Decisions.

Monday, January 25, 2010 / 1:19:00 PM

I am not good with my words but there's tons of things which are running through my mind that i need to say.

Question marks, doubts and question marks. This is really not good.

I always thought that we could just stay like this. Isn't it better this way? Why cant we just enjoy each other's company and not care about the status thing. You should know that i do like you but committing myself into a relationship is another different issue.

Yes. You may think that i am selfish in the sense that i keep you waiting but cant you understand that i am afraid and i am not ready yet? I dont want to step into a relationship feeling insecure. Is not that i dont have faith in you. I dont have faith in myself. I dont want to end up hurting you cause i am a screwed up person.

I just feel that is not the time yet. Cause i am uncertain. Uncertain about the future.

You gave me five days. Five days to consider. You wanted a direct yes or no answer. How can i possibly answer it.

If i say a no, you told me you would break off contact with me and move on with your life despite feeling miserable about it. Same goes for me. I will feel super upset.

However, if i would to say a yes. It would be unfair to you. Cause i know right now, i am really not ready yet. Though i do feel for you, i just dont think its the right time yet. I am afraid that we wont be able to last and i would have to go through a break up again which i dont want.

So tell me. What should i do? I tried asking myself if i am ready for commitment. But i guessed, there's no answer for it. Yeah. People out there will be thinking that i am some motherfucking player. I am confused and lost.

Now that you are not talking to me, i feel empty. My life sucks.